Myungsoo your car has been flipping for 4 minutes

beastpiniteu:

are you okay

mylifeasafeminista:

please unfollow me if you think any of the following are real:

• the race card
• racism against white people (aka “reverse-racism”) 
• sexism against men
• speciesism

Just who are men’s rights activists?

freedominwickedness:

angrybanette:

everythingbutharleyquinn:

angrybanette:

tal9000:

sovegnavos:

An increasingly vocal men’s movement argues that anti-male discrimination is rife. Who are the activists and what do they want?

An article on the BBC news website, discussing the subject of MRAs. Includes quotes from David Benatar, the author of The Second Sexism, which is - and I shit you not - an entire book dedicated to sexism against men.

The article itself is pretty hilarious, as are the comments (oh god don’t even think about reading those), and I’ve picked out a few choice remarks;

Aoirthoir An Broc, founder of the International Association of Masculinists…says there’s an assumption that women are always innocent and men the aggressor. In response he’s coined the term “all men are good” to counter the negative perception. “We say that all men are men, all men are good, all men are worthy of love and respect regardless of race, sexuality, religion. We don’t believe in cultural definitions of men.”

…good job erasing the experiences of men of different races and religions, I guess. Gender is a social construct and in every culture it is constructed in a different way; making out that men are one homogenous group is not doing anyone any favours. They’re basically playing into their own definition of men i.e. white and western.

Tom Martin gained attention last year after suing the London School of Economics’ gender studies department for sexism.

He says he was radicalised while working as a barman in a club in Soho. “I could see that male customers were being abused at every point,” he says.

Men had to queue and often pay while women got in free. They were goaded by bouncers to leave, while women were treated with respect. But worst of all, he believes they were used by women to buy drinks.

The horror! I guess the main point here is that yes - patriarchy hurts men too. But it is men who constructed this system, and men who continue to perpetuate it. These ‘injustices’ are not being carried out against them by women - as these men seem to think - but rather by other men.

“it’s women’s job to make themselves sexually happy, it’s not a man’s burden.”

Yeah, what’s all this crap about sex being a mutual activity? One party should have to do all the work, clearly. It’s no fun if all parties involved are enjoying themselves, obviously.

Women are no longer reticent about sex or their expectations from a lover. Furthermore they are now more likely to evaluate a man’s sexual performance in public and even deride men who “aren’t particularly imaginative or clever” in bed.

I just can’t.

A bonus point(?) to the BBC here for coming up with four whole examples of places where women ‘rule the roost’; which includes the Amazons, ffs.

This part actually sums up my main point about this phenomenon:

Kat Banyard, author of The Equality Illusion, says men make the mistake of fearing feminism when it offers them liberation from an outdated masculinity. “There’s a belief that feminism is a zero sum game and that men are losing.”

So, this article is pretty much the same old thing we always hear - good job, BBC.

“The Second Sexism”

I want to kill someone in the face now.

killing MRAs is only effective if you do it in the face.

I can only delve so far into the murky, toxic realm that is MRAs before getting deeply disturbed and scurrying back out again. @eschergirls introduced me to A Voice For Men the other day which was… beyond horrifying.

Manbooz is a website that identifies the misogyny inherent to the convictions of MRAs as well as making fun of it. Some of the stuff is pretty triggering though. A lot of pedophiles, rapists and rape apologists are attracted to the philosophies of MRAs. I kid you not, one comment I read from a well-established MRA? Actually blamed 12 year old girls for physically developing so young thereby tempting men into wanting to have sex with them. It was so WTF WTH Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph, there are just no words.

no surprises but it’s still gross to be reminded of it.

MRAs are self-sabotaging fools who kinda realize that the patriarchy screws men over too…and respond by blaming women and reinforcing the patriarchy. They’re dangerous because being delusional doesn’t make their white privilege and male privilege and cis privilege go away, but they’re also totally pathetic.

This is really long and scary looking, but I promise it’s worth it.

“A Survival Guide” - TW: sexual assault

zmizet:

I am a survivor. Statistically, I know about over 10 people who are survivors - like me. In fact, 1 in 5 people people are survivors. Sexual assault - be it violent, loud, silent, ignored, pursued by police - is very real. And it is not your fault. I have struggled to live a “normal” life but triggers are everywhere and often, it is as if I am reliving my assaults.  Flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks - every day reminders. After multiple discussions with other survivors, I’ve decided to compile my own “survival guide”. These are things I did/do to deal with being in this position.

**These are things I did, or advocate others to try. They are suggestions, not facts. I have tried to make it as inclusive as possible. Please feel free to add your own things to this list. Recovering is a process, and there are people who will say they have never recovered. But you can cope and live your life the way you want to. It takes time. 

A Guide to Coping: 

• Survivors Bill of Rights: Read it and internalize what it is saying to you. These things will often be repeated to you. The one that I used is here  but I have found several others online: 1, 2, 3. They’re helpful for when you are feeling completely powerful. This tip will work for those who take a more structured approach to life.
• Suppression: One of your instincts will be to suppress the memories, ignore the fact of what happened. It’s allowed. There is no right or wrong way to feel better, but if ignoring it helps you cope - it’s a start. As long as you know this will come back, it’s ok to put it away for a week or two. It is not the healthiest thing, to put away all your emotions like this but if you actively suppress the memories, you’re actively working on coping. And…it’s a start. But it’ll come back and that is something you need to know. Everyone will not recommend this method, but I know how it works…and it’s going to be your first instinct. And you will probably do it, whether you are aware of it or not. 
• Seek Outside Help: You are feeling alone, and you’re feeling down. You need to talk, but fear what friends or family will say or think of you. Perhaps the easiest way to talk about it, for some people, is to bring it to a stranger. If they say something you don’t like, you can always walk away and forget them. www.fcasv.org (or 1-888-956-7273, if you are in the US) is a helpful resource that will help you find a rape crisis program. These programs will find you counseling and other resources. If you have a trusted counselor who already knows you, perhaps they can assist you as well.
• Find a support group. Much like AA, there are groups that are lead by a licensed counselor dedicated to bringing together survivors to discuss coping techniques, and life after their attack. 
• Realizations: These are things multiple people will tell you, and they’re true. This was not your fault. It is ok to feel upset, sad, angry. It is ok to cry. It is ok to hit things in rage. It is ok to let yourself have feelings when it comes your attack. Do not compare your assault to another persons. If you think your assault is any less significant then someone else’s assault, you are wrong. Never tell yourself you don’t have the “right” to be this upset - what you went through is very real, and you cannot erase your experiences. 
• Community: You are not alone. Google will you help you find many online communities dedicated to helping you. There are chatrooms and other online safe spaces. Tumblr has many survivors who are open about their experiences and willing to help those in need. Perhaps you can confide in them - as someone who has gone through this experience, they can tell you how they began to cope and see if it works for you. Facebook is also home to Grrrlvirus, which is open to female-identified people, which has many people who speak out.
• Find a “mantra”: A mantra is a statement that you repeat over and over again. When I start having a panic attack after being triggered, I repeat the same statement over again. I use it to “bring myself back” to reality, to affirm that I am safe. I’ve gone through a few mantras in my process of healing - starting with “It’s not my fault.” “I am ok.” “I am safe.” 
• Channeling your emotions: Sometimes your emotions are too much to handle, and then you need to let them out. Talking is one way, but sometimes you can’t begin to vocalize how you feel. Scream. Cry. Write it out - poetry, blog posts, diaries, journaling, etc. Create artwork - paint splatters, collages, etc. Fight it out - (although I don’t recommend attacking people…) take classes at the gym that force you to use a lot of energy, get a punching bag (or use a pillow). Find small stress relievers (I like to rip things up…that’s a little strange, I’m sorry).
• FIND SOMETHING THAT REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
• Begin Confiding: If there is one person you trust more than anyone, they can be the first person you choose to confide in. Over time, you will share your experience with others and this is a healing process. 
• Partners/Relationships: If you are in a relationship when this occurs, or when you feel triggered - you need to let your partner know about certain things. What can they do to make you feel better? What should they avoid doing around you? And listen, it’s ok to put the relationship on hold. You have to come first. 
• Religion:  If religion if your thing, take comfort in it. My experiences are limited to Roman Catholicism. Mass, or other religious gathering may help you feel safer as they are social gatherings for people to come together and share religion as an experience. Prayers or affirmations can help you feel like you are taking some sort of action with your recovery process - if you find a prayer or affirmation that works for you, feel free to use it as often as possible. Catholics have patron saints for everything - including rape survivors, victims of child abuse. And they all come with their own prayers, as they are supposed to be protectors of these survivors. If you feel like religion is connecting to your triggers or your assault, then get away from it as far as possible. 
• “Feeling Dirty”: I recently read about this and it may help someone who is fact driven. It’s common for survivors to feel “dirty” or unclean. Again, it’s allowed. Your body was violated against your will and you don’t know how to fix it. The top layer of your skin sheds about every 4 weeks, meaning that in 4 weeks your skin has not been touched by your attacker. If you feel yourself panicking or feeling unclean, sit own and calculate how many weeks have passed. Your skin, it’s new layer, has never been touched by your attacker. 
• If you are worried about triggers, find situations to avoid them until you think you are prepared:  Airports are triggering. Any movie rated R will potentially have something triggering. Dramatic TV shows (looking @ you Grey’s Anatomy) will eventually introduce a triggering plot. 
• If you feel the need to take precautions, do so. There are products that are concealed weapons, which you can carry on you when you leave your home. Invest in tougher locks on your doors and check them when you feel unsafe. Carry your keys in your hand, with the keys going in between your fingers. Wear thick, heavy rings. Buy thicker curtains. Take a self defense class. If any of this helps you feel safer or in control - then by all means, do so. You are not being paranoid - you are adapting to your new situation as a survivor. Over time, you may relax with these precautions but remember that you are in control of when and how you do this.
• Leave town for a few days. Stay with family. Get away from the city or neighborhood where your assault occurred. It’s a mental health vacation - you need to get away from the negative memories at first.
• Take a day to yourself. Stay in for the day. Sleep in, read a good book, eat all the fast food you want, take bubble bath, stay in your safe space. This is not a long term solution, but it helps if you are feel particularly down.
• If you fear loneliness, seek out company. There is no reason to punish yourself by isolating yourself. If you feel the need to see people, it’s allowed. Call the people you trust the most, or, if you struggle to build trust, hang out with acquaintances in very public, open spaces. 
• I don’t know if this works for everyone, but I found that cleaning my apartment (throwing out a LOT of things that cluttered it up). Actually throwing things out made me feel really good. So cleaning. Or redecorating. 
• Recreate your safe space.If your room, or your apartment, is where you feel the safest - feel free to redecorate it in a way that makes it feel like a completely new space. One where you can “start over”.  This can be hanging up new posters, changing the sheets…anything. 
•  Invest some time in DIY projects. Or learning new skills. I know this sounds lame and useless, but by creating productivity I found that it helped “bring me back to reality” somewhat. 
• Read. I found that taking an activist approach helped me cope…but this was a very long time after my attack. Zines and feminist literature address how we live in a rape culture. They helped me cope because I just like facts and figures, some sort of structure. 
• Go to the police if you think it will help you cope. I never went to the police because I have authority issues and terrible experiences with them. But some people believe that it will help them, and if you’re one of them then do so. There are cops who have special training when it comes to sexual assault survivors.

I hope some of this helps…at least one person. You are not ruined because of your experience. You are that much stronger. You are a survivor…you will survive every day. But each day doesn’t need to be a battle. You are not alone. You are not just your survivor status. You are a beautiful human being. 

thousandoceans:

It’s been getting to the point that I can’t even trust the people on my dash anymore to not post offensive stuff.

what the fuck are all y’all doing?

OKAY SO.

I need to unload some Junsu feelings because I’ve finally watched his MV teaser.

Also I’ve been wanting to make this post for awhile, and now actually seems like a semi-appropriate time.

And by semi-appropriate I mean appropriate for me, less appropriate for Junsu-stans. But frak it. Sorry ya’ll.

[TW: Talk of sexual assault]

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Because why not.

I’M REALLY LATE TO THIS I JUST REMEMBERED PEOPLE TAGGED ME.

Okay.

So.

I got tagged by kerosenemouth, and 04120420 to do 11 questions. Here are my answers.

• Rule 1 - Post the rules.
• Rule 2 - Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then make 11 new ones.
• Rule 3 - Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
• Rule 4 - Let them know you’ve tagged them.

If you decide to do my questions anyways though tag me so I can see your answers! Please, and thanks!

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