[Followers: Important Please Read]
It feels like I occupy a really weird gender space so I don’t talk about it too often but: I’m afab. I’m not cis. I’m also not trans.
I’m not trans because if I were to take hormones there’s a really high probability that I would stroke out or be in comas on and off. I also can’t wear binders and the like bc they’re really restrictive and cause me to flare up. I get dysphoria really bad sometimes over not being able to be read as masculine, but accepting the fact there’s literally nothing I can do to transition medically has kind of put me in a better head space over it. I wear masculine clothing a lot to help with what’s left over, but to be honest skirts and whatnot are still way more comfortable (and funner??!) and with it being Summer now they’re a lot more functional as well.
So I’ve come to terms with looking and passing really feminine (and having the privilege that goes with that!!!) and being unable to transition in any way that’s really discernible and that’s why I don’t ID as trans.
But that still doesn’t make me cis so please don’t call me cis thanks!
EDIT: And just to confirm! This is a personal post about my personal ID! I’m just making it now because there have been a couple of people lately who have been a bit confused and this seemed simpler than talking to everyone separately. If you’d like any confirmation on anything though let me know!
A How To Guide: When Someone You Know Has Changed Their Pronouns
I have changed my pronouns before and this is the advice I like to give people when they ask how to handle it. I get that it can be difficult, especially if you’ve known someone for years before they made this change. Here are some things to remember.
1. It ain’t about you. Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable the first few times you try to remember their pronouns (and in some cases, their current name). But YOUR discomfort about remembering something does not trump their dysphoria about being misgendered. Once you realize that it ain’t about you, it gets easier to remember. After all, this is someone you respect. So show it.
2. Ask when it’s appropriate to use their pronouns. Some people don’t use their pronouns everywhere because of safety concerns. Some people aren’t out to everyone. And some folks are fluid in relation to their pronouns. It isn’t your place to judge. If it’s okay with the person, you might consider completely dropping pronoun usage, especially in unsafe environments. Meaning, instead of s/he (or whatever else their pronoun is), just use their name. I find that makes the transition a little smoother.
3. Yes. You will need to think a second longer before you speak until it becomes second nature. In my cellphone, if someone changes their name or pronouns, I place a reminder next to their name. So for about a month is says Current Name/Previous Name (Pronoun). Example: Sally/Andrew (she). That way if I see a new number called Sally in my phone I’m not like, “Who the fuck is this?” After a while, I remember without the reminder and then I delete it. Same with screennames and such. I’ve used rhyming words to help remember things. There are lots of mental tricks to help. Do whatever you gotta do. But when you talk TO them or ABOUT them or in RELATION to them… use the correct words. I’m notoriously HORRIBLE at remembering things so I tell people upfront. “Just so you know, I will do my very best to respect you and call you by your correct name/pronouns. I might fuck up because I am forgetful but PLEASE call me on it and I’ll make sure it doesn’t continue.” Not once has anyone been anything other than appreciative because everyone likes to feel respected.
4. WHEN (not if because if you do this long enough, you WILL) you misgender someone, APOLOGIZE. Don’t make it a huge deal. Simply, “I’m sorry.” I like to use someone’s name when I apologize because it sounds more sincere and it’s a reminder for myself as well. Use the correct pronoun (or name) and move one. Making a big deal of it to look super progressive actually makes you look like an ass. And if you’re really sorry, it shouldn’t keep happening.
That’s pretty much it. And yes, you have to use their pronoun and/or name even when they aren’t around. Saying shit like, “You know Andrew, right?” when you are talking about Sally is fucked up. Something like, “You know Sally, right?” Then describe the person. And if someone else misgenders them (and it’s someone who should know better) correct them. If not, you are co-signing their disrespectful bullshit and that’s not cool.
Over and out.
When people say “But it (homosexuality/trans people/polyamory/gender-neutral parenting/whatever) will confuse teh childrenz!”
Dude. Confusion is a primary state of being for children. Children are confused by child-proof medicine bottles. A favorite pastime of many a child is asking “Why?” about any piece of information presented to them. Confusion is not something to be afraid of or shield your child from. Give them an explanation and move on.
Work stuff -
I’ve been looking for a new job for awhile because I’m not really sure I can handle the stress of my hours and location changing all the time at my current place, but since March I’ve gotten no call-backs (and this is applying to places like Tim Horton’s and stuff soooo…).
I’ve found a couple of volunteer things that look nice, and although I’m feeling pretty gross I do have the time now that my hours are cut so maybe that’s something to look into. My local Pride Centre is always looking for people to volunteer, but then there’s also people in my community I actively avoid and I’d have to see them there? Or I could join the queer choir we have but that costs money that I don’t really have (but I know my Gramma would help me out there because she misses me singing as long as I don’t tell her upfront that it’s a QUEER choir).
Idk. I want to start a career but the schools I’ve wanted to go to have screwed me on my courses so I kind of think that maybe something that offers in-house would be better? But like nowhere does that. Plus I only have my GED, and that’s pretty much a black mark on my resumé despite the fact that it’s supposed to be a diploma equivalent.
aaaaaaah I’ve just been in a lot of pain and nothing’s helping me and work used to be a relief because I get this feeling of accomplishment for getting the day done, but now it’s just a stresser so I know that I need to change something but I don’t know what or how and it’s really frustrating.